Reinterpret the great existential masters!
Submit your own reinterpretation.

    Your Name:

    Your Email:

    Existentialist Hack:

    Submissions so far:

    41. German imagines Sartre living in Compton:
    “Hell is other peeps.”

    40. C. J. Kershner tells us the following: As a jaded young person who is tired and discontent with the society into which he has been so cruelly thrust, I feel it is my right, nay my duty, to give you my take on Nietzsche:
    “Life is a mistake.”
    It’s a rather dramatic reinterpretation of his quote, “Without music, life would be a mistake.” But I like it dammit, and that’s good enough for me.

    39. A fellow named “Mandas” mixes it up:
    “Thank God I’m an atheist.”

    38. Elmo, from Sydney, puts a cautionary spin on Churchill / Roosevelt / Lincoln and all the other people this quote has been attributed to:
    “We have nothing to fear, but not fearing itself.”

    37. “Malingered” on Sartre’s chef:
    “Existence precedes essence of chicken.”

    36. Colleen Carroll riffs off of can-you-guess-who?:
    “We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are — that is the bitch.”

    35. Jennifer Kelly pops pop-psych:
    “If I have one more character building experience to work through, I’ll become a schizophrenic.”

    34. Michael Adamson puts the dialectic back in Jesus:
    “Seek and ye shall not find anything but your own projections.”

    33. Azlan Ibrahim chanced upon an early draft of Wallace Stevens’ Metaphors of a Magnifico:
    “Twenty men crossing a bridge into a village,
    Are twenty men crossing twenty bridges into twenty villages,
    Ah, if only there had been a toll.”

    32. J. Maynard Presley recasts the opening line of Camus’ The Stranger:
    “My dog died yesterday; or was it my cat?”

    31. In Nathan Bruynzeel’s alternate history of philosophy, Descartes discovers sex mid-career:
    “Coital ergo sum.”

    30. Joshua Perdue changes Bataille, but only slightly:
    “I have not meant to express a thought but to help you clarify that you yourself do not think.”

    29. Megan Riordan re-figures Spinoza:
    “Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand. Then exploit the hell out of it.”

    28. Stef Maruch, put Carpe Diem through one of those Latin-to-English on-line translation services, and got:
    “Fish for ten cents.”

    27. An ANONYMOUS government employee, goes after Socrates:
    “I know that I know only enough to keep this job, and keep you waiting in line.”

    26. Kristen Haynes confuses DesCARTes with a lunch CART:
    “Rosito ergo yum (I’m pink, therefore I’m ham).”

    25. Karl Lind reworks Nietzsche:
    “We are all greater bullshit artists than we realize.”

    24. In our first meta-interpretation, SAFH100 offers (Matt) Hanson’s reinterpretation the guy [see #2, above] who reinterpreted Samuel Beckett:
    “I can’t go on. I’ll go on. Are you going to eat that?.”

    23. Anthony Notoary , self-described backslidden devotee of the abyss, makes the last line from Camus’ The Stranger, even stranger:
    “For all to be accomplished, for me to feel less lonely, all that remained to hope was that on the day of my execution there should be a huge crowd of news reporters, corporate sponsors and Hollywood producers and that they greet me with sensationalism, licensing agreements and development deals.” [see original quote]

    22. Renee Riddle de- or re- paradoxifies Robert Frost:
    “The best way out is out.”

    21. Chris Caruso re-boots Sartre:
    “Things are entirely what they appear to be and behind them…there is Bill Gates.”

    20. Laurie Stewart imagines Hamlet with early Alzheimers:
    “To be, or not to be….What was the question?”

    19. Christine Lorenz gives us a more practical take on Wittgenstein’s conclusion to the Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus:
    “Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must change the subject to something we can all enjoy.”

    18. Michael Goetz gives us Contempo MacBeth:
    “Life is a tale told by a telepundit, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    17. Laurie Stewart :
    “The value of any Solution to a Problem can be guaged by how quickly the Solution becomes a Problem.”

    16. K.D. Williamson (I’m not sure if this is about hunter-gatherer societies or domestic violence):
    “That which does not kill me makes me dinner.”

    15. Nu Magic has Wayne & Garth channelling Descartes:
    “I think therefore I am. Not!”

    14. Angele Ellis re-interprets Nietzsche in light of recent findings from post-traumatic stress research:
    “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stranger.”

    13. Gabriel J Shapiro packs Nietzsche off to the suburbs:
    “In times of grease, a warlike man sets upon the barbecue.”

    12. Doris Lajoie, in lieu of Tempus Fugit (time flies):
    “Tempus…Fuck-It!”

    11. Victoria Herd has Sartre and Harlan Ellison over for the game:
    “In your most insignificant actions, there is an enormous amount of television watching.”

    10. Randy Urbano gives Descartes a Buddhist/nihilistic turn:
    “I am enlightened, therefore I am not.”

    9. Liz Buckley, self-described housewife:
    “When the going gets surreal, the surreal get paid.”

    8. Leslee Trammell :
    “There is a Pope, but not for us.” (Kafka, during his brief and historically overlooked flirtation with Presbyterianism)

    7. Andrew Cornell reconfigures Nietzsche for the current recession:
    “When you look long into the abyss, the abyss will look into your credit rating.”

    6. Valerie Greet reinterprets Pogo for the post-9/11 world:
    “We have met the enemy and he is us. Now, how do we keep him out of the country?”

    5. Pablo Zumarán, from Brazil:
    “Hell is older people.” (Sartre, at 5)

    4. David Huckle, 15 years old, rephrases Nietzsche for his generation:
    “Christians wish sex wasn’t fun, because it would make sin seem impossible, and turn hell into a legend.” [see original quote]

    3. James Schumann, AKA Xenopscylla Cheopis, undoes 400 years of Cartesian rationality:
    Cogito ergo eh* (I think therefore so what)
    *eh, feh, ech, ecch, [bl]ech; a guttural sound of indifference.

    2. Michael Barrish has updated the end to Beckett’s trilogy:
    “I can’t go on. I’ll go on. What’s up with that?”

    1. The Lee Winkelman Corrollary (to Nietzsche):
    “What doesn’t kill you, could very easily maim you.”