abyss 91
diving into 78
gazing into xix
acid
bad tabs of 100
affliction xiii, xix, 91, 95
sufficiently severe xv
the right one xv
agony xix, 37, 89, 100
anguish 13, 42
annihilation xxiv, 82, 89
anxiety
essential condition of 14
apathy 91
apocalypse xxvii, 57
bad trip 65
bitch
drunken, moody son-of-a 9
bitterness 37, 93
blunders 73
burdens 89
calamity 19
catastrophe 93
total 41
chaos xiv, 70
cheerfulness
premature 81
confusion xviii
crisis
deeper into 13
existential 99
no way back from 13
damage 28
danger 93, 99
dark side
suppressed power of xv
darkness xv, xvii, 84, 85, 97
ensnared in 22
heart of 10
path of 50
death xix, xx, xxiii, xxv, 33, 47, 85, 91, 99
denial of xxiii
facing it now 82
moment of 84
nearness to 100
presence of xxii, 81, 92
ultimate triumph of 81
decomposing 84
defeat
of all hope 49
the bitter taste of 52
delusion 29
denial 91
depression xiv, 22, 48
deeper into 50
desire
neurotic 19
despair xiv, xviii
destruction 9
devastation 37
difficulty xv, 9, 10, 19, 35, 50
disappointment 31, 96
ultimate and final 87
years of 16
disapproval 92
disaster vii
irrevocable 41
disgust 57, 74
dishonesty 29
disintegration 84
dismay 50
disorder 50, 94
disquiet
eerie 68
distrust 66
doubt xvii, xxvii, 76, 92
dread xxviii, 81, 82
dysfunction
nurturing power of 28
relentlessly drilled in 91
dystopia
visions of 57
emptiness xxviii, 85
37,000 foot chasm of 68
failure xviii, 5, 49
life ending in 47
preemptive approach to 52
seductive appeal of 49
faith
lapse of 62
loss of 66
fear xxiii, xxix, 92
chamber of 83
friends
self-absorbed 61
frustration 93
fury 37
genocide 61
good
fuck 38
goods
damaged 27
grief 85
gut-wrenching xxvii
hatred 37, 58, 92
fine-grained 57
of self 58
heart
yours, bludgeoned 41
heartache 52
hell xv, xxvi, 89
going through 13
hemorrhaging 84
big, wet chunks 18
hopelessness xxv, 37, 62
of everything 41
horror xxv, xxviii, 57
hurt xv, 40, 50, 89
you, deeply 40
hypocrisy
reasonable measure of 60
identity
permanent damage to 13
imperfection 96
incomprehensible 7
incurable 62
indecision
paralyzed with 53
inner bigot xv, 58, 92
inner corpse xix, xxiii, 81, 84, 92
embrace of 81
struggle to exhume 81
inner critic xv, 14, 92
inner fanatic 92
inner psychopath xv, 93
opening up to 20
inner suburbia 23
insanity 21
insecurity 68
life
bad dream of 5
confusing mess of 70
end of 82
yours, worthless 6
living
a great lie 81
on the edge 50
with death 85
loss 13, 22, 40, 49, 85
of enthusiasm 52
of faith 99
of health benefits 50
love
fucked by xviii, 40
other side of 37, 93
madness xviii, 20, 78
meaninglessness
of existence 73, 91
mediocrity 23
misery 60, 74
misunderstanding 58
moment
final, yours 84
monotony 5
mourning 53
nausea 17
nemesis 57
nightmare
coming true 57
nihilism xiv, 66, 91, 98
nothingness xxiv, 68
portal to 81
oblivion
one step from 68
pushing yourself into 82
temporarily deferred 82
obsession 19
pain xv, 37, 40, 42, 49, 70, 91
deep well of 22
panic
freakish 68
paradox xiii, xv, xxiii, 91
paralysis 14, 53
pity
showing none 9
problems 39, 42
global 60
intractable 96
questions
unresolvable xv
rage 37
relationship
dead-end 13
repression 19
repulsion 57
resistance
bludgeoning into submission 13
rot
smell of 84
rupture
desire for 20
sabotage
industrial 48
self 14
self-annihilation
various forms of 91
self-delusion
cunning strategies of 14
selfishness 16
sex
to relieve tension 38
with liquor 31
shipwreck 97
shit
full of 14
sickness 33
spirit-crushing 9
starvation 65
suffering xv, xviii, xxvi, 19, 47
suicide vii
terror xiii, xxix, 91
boundless 78
daily routine of 82
the edge
living on it 50
thinking
negative 93
torment xvii
toxic sludge 61
tragedy xviii, 33, 50, 53, 85
trouble xiii, 75, 96
truth
being killed for vii
difficulty of 9
doubts about 73
inability to face 82
unhappiness 6, 16
unknown
fears of 23
violence 92
visions
monstrous 57
voice
insidious 14
void xxiv, xxvi, xxvii, 91, 99
vortex 91
world
worst possible 57
yours, cut asunder 78
worthlessness 6
wreckage 5
wrong
different flavors of 39
