The Koch Blocked campaign is using creative interventions—from guerrilla drive-ins to spunky info-graphics—to expose the Kochs’ nefarious web of front groups, dirty money, and crooked politicians.

We’re not going to let American democracy be “Koch Blocked” any longer.

Koch-Blocked is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

US Uncut is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

abyss 91
   diving into 78
   gazing into xix
acid
   bad tabs of 100
affliction xiii, xix, 91, 95
   sufficiently severe xv
   the right one xv
agony xix, 37, 89, 100
anguish 13, 42
annihilation xxiv, 82, 89
anxiety
   essential condition of 14
apathy 91
apocalypse xxvii, 57
bad trip 65
bitch
   drunken, moody son-of-a 9
bitterness 37, 93
blunders 73
burdens 89
calamity 19
catastrophe 93
   total 41
chaos xiv, 70
cheerfulness
premature 81
confusion xviii
crisis
   deeper into 13
   existential 99
   no way back from 13
damage 28
danger 93, 99
dark side
   suppressed power of xv
darkness xv, xvii, 84, 85, 97
   ensnared in 22
   heart of 10
   path of 50
death xix, xx, xxiii, xxv, 33, 47, 85, 91, 99
   denial of xxiii
   facing it now 82
   moment of 84
   nearness to 100
   presence of xxii, 81, 92
   ultimate triumph of 81
decomposing 84
defeat
   of all hope 49
   the bitter taste of 52
delusion 29
denial 91
depression xiv, 22, 48
   deeper into 50
desire
   neurotic 19
despair xiv, xviii
destruction 9
devastation 37
difficulty xv, 9, 10, 19, 35, 50
disappointment 31, 96
   ultimate and final 87
   years of 16
disapproval 92
disaster vii
irrevocable 41
disgust 57, 74
dishonesty 29
disintegration 84
dismay 50
disorder 50, 94
disquiet
eerie 68
distrust 66
doubt xvii, xxvii, 76, 92
dread xxviii, 81, 82
dysfunction
   nurturing power of 28
   relentlessly drilled in 91
dystopia
   visions of 57
emptiness xxviii, 85
   37,000 foot chasm of 68
failure xviii, 5, 49
   life ending in 47
   preemptive approach to 52
   seductive appeal of 49
faith
   lapse of 62
   loss of 66
fear xxiii, xxix, 92
   chamber of 83
friends
   self-absorbed 61
frustration 93
fury 37
genocide 61
good
   fuck 38
goods
   damaged 27
grief 85
gut-wrenching xxvii
hatred 37, 58, 92
   fine-grained 57
   of self 58
heart
   yours, bludgeoned 41
heartache 52
hell xv, xxvi, 89
   going through 13
hemorrhaging 84
   big, wet chunks 18
hopelessness xxv, 37, 62
   of everything 41
horror xxv, xxviii, 57
hurt xv, 40, 50, 89
   you, deeply 40
hypocrisy
   reasonable measure of 60
identity
   permanent damage to 13
imperfection 96
incomprehensible 7
incurable 62
indecision
   paralyzed with 53
inner bigot xv, 58, 92
inner corpse xix, xxiii, 81, 84, 92
   embrace of 81
   struggle to exhume 81
inner critic xv, 14, 92
inner fanatic 92
inner psychopath xv, 93
   opening up to 20
inner suburbia 23
insanity 21
insecurity 68
life
   bad dream of 5
   confusing mess of 70
   end of 82
   yours, worthless 6
living
   a great lie 81
   on the edge 50
   with death 85
loss 13, 22, 40, 49, 85
   of enthusiasm 52
   of faith 99
   of health benefits 50
love
   fucked by xviii, 40
   other side of 37, 93
madness xviii, 20, 78
meaninglessness
   of existence 73, 91
mediocrity 23
misery 60, 74
misunderstanding 58
moment
   final, yours 84
monotony 5
mourning 53
nausea 17
nemesis 57
nightmare
   coming true 57
nihilism xiv, 66, 91, 98
nothingness xxiv, 68
   portal to 81
oblivion
   one step from 68
   pushing yourself into 82
   temporarily deferred 82
obsession 19
pain xv, 37, 40, 42, 49, 70, 91
   deep well of 22
panic
   freakish 68
paradox xiii, xv, xxiii, 91
paralysis 14, 53
pity
   showing none 9
problems 39, 42
   global 60
   intractable 96
questions
   unresolvable xv
rage 37
relationship
   dead-end 13
repression 19
repulsion 57
resistance
   bludgeoning into submission 13
rot
   smell of 84
rupture
   desire for 20
sabotage
   industrial 48
   self 14
self-annihilation
   various forms of 91
self-delusion
   cunning strategies of 14
selfishness 16
sex
   to relieve tension 38
   with liquor 31
shipwreck 97
shit
   full of 14
sickness 33
spirit-crushing 9
starvation 65
suffering xv, xviii, xxvi, 19, 47
suicide vii
terror xiii, xxix, 91
   boundless 78
   daily routine of 82
the edge
   living on it 50
thinking
   negative 93
torment xvii
toxic sludge 61
tragedy xviii, 33, 50, 53, 85
trouble xiii, 75, 96
truth
   being killed for vii
   difficulty of 9
   doubts about 73
   inability to face 82
unhappiness 6, 16
unknown
   fears of 23
violence 92
visions
   monstrous 57
voice
   insidious 14
void xxiv, xxvi, xxvii, 91, 99
vortex 91
world
   worst possible 57
   yours, cut asunder 78
worthlessness 6
wreckage 5
wrong
   different flavors of 39

Daily Afflictions: Index is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

The agony of being connected to everything in the Universe

What is to give light must endure burning.
—Victor Frankel

Many of us have set out on the path of enlightenment. We long for a release of selfhood in some kind of mystical union with all things. But that moment of epiphany–when we finally see the whole pattern and sense our place in the cosmic web–can be a crushing experience from which we never fully recover.
Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. You can not turn away. Your destiny is bound to the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.
To seek enlightenment is to seek annihilation, rebirth, and the taking up of burdens. You must come prepared to touch and be touched by each and every thing in heaven and hell.

+ I am One with the Universe and it hurts. +

The agony of being connected to everything in the Universe is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

Embracing your inner corpse

This thing called corpse we dread so much is living with us here and now.
—Milarepa

In each of us is an inner corpse struggling to be exhumed. Unlike the corpse you will one day become, this shadow corpse is alive. It is the living presence of Death that you carry within you. It is more than your certain knowledge of death’s ultimate triumph; it is your portal to nothingness, the other ocean of being. If you can find the courage to unearth and embrace your inner corpse, you can lead a more vivid, authentic and triumphant life. But if you keep your inner corpse buried away, you live a great lie. You distort your search for truth into a project of false immortality. You deny the most solemn core of your being, condemning yourself to premature cheerfulness. To the outside world you might seem healthy, happy, and successful–but, your inner corpse might just as well be dead.

+ My inner corpse is not dead. +

Embracing your inner corpse is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

Skeptical mysticism

It takes faith to believe, and it takes courage not to, and who is to say which is the deeper and more truthful.
—Herbert Weisinger

You often hear about believers who have a crisis of faith, but what of the skeptics among us who have a crisis of doubt? For years we skeptics have decisively refuted the metaphysical claims of the great religions and scoffed at the pretensions of newfangled spiritual fashions. But then our doubt is suddenly shaken by an unbidden mystical experience. The power of this direct cognition of ultimate reality, beyond word or image, is undeniable. But does it prove the existence of God? If you remain skeptical you find yourself in a difficult state. You now seriously doubt your doubt and yet have no abiding faith to replace it. How do you proceed? You can no longer be atheistic because you’ve communed with the divine. You can’t be religious because the existence of God is still in question; what’s more, religious representations of God now get in the way of your direct mystical experience. Nor can you be agnostic because you’re far from neutral on the subject. You must become a skeptical mystic. As you cut your own singular path to the great whatever, you must now treat your own experiences with the relentless skepticism you once reserved for the claims of others.

+ I am One with a God I do not believe in. +

Skeptical mysticism is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

One step from oblivion

Things are entirely what they appear to be and behind them…there is nothing.
—Jean-Paul Sartre

Commercial air travel is a regular part of our lives, yet many of us still feel an eerie disquiet when we fly. You browse the in-flight magazines while a 37,000 foot chasm of emptiness lurks just beneath your shoes. You snack on little pretzels while a few inches away life-sucking minus 60 degree airstreams whip by. The flight attendants point out exits that go nowhere.
In the air, as on the ground, behind every this or that lies all or nothing. This nothingness is papered over with illusion, habit, and little rituals until something slices through the wrapper–until that moment when you hear the pilot’s strained voice and feel your gut muscles clench. Will you grow huge enough to contain the hugeness of the moment? Or will you break apart in freakish panic?
In flight, as in life, you live one step from oblivion. You stand on nothing but your will. Your only security is to embrace insecurity. So the next time you fly, step on board as though entering a sacred battlefield, place your tray tables in their upright locked position, and stare straight past the pretzels and the chit-chat into the jaws of the absolute.

+ The airline that doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. +

One step from oblivion is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

The inner bigot

We contain the other, hopelessly and forever.
—James Baldwin

We live in a society scarred by hatred and misunder-standing. You look out at this world and figure that because you’re not a church-burner, gay-basher, or with the LAPD, you’re not a bigot. But inside each of us is an inner bigot waiting for things to get personal. Maybe you get iced out of a promotion, maybe Johnny’s new teacher is gay, maybe your neighborhood is changing. That’s when the inner bigot slithers up into your throat and you hear yourself saying: “Those bastards are taking our jobs. Do what you want, but not near my children. Why do they all have to talk so loud? Can’t you find a girl of your own kind? We moved to the suburbs for the schools.”
Your inner bigot is the part of yourself you blame on others. It’s how you flush out into the world the fear and self-hatred you refuse to take responsibility for. It’s that exiled splinter of yourself you call niggerhomobitchpussykikewetbackwhitetrashfatfuck. To set things right, you must track it down. As you follow its treacherous movements, and gather up what you have loosed upon others, you may also salvage the pieces that can make you whole.

+ I have met the Other and it is I. +

The inner bigot is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

The tragedy of commitment

Whoever wants something great must be able to limit himself.
–Wolfgang Von Goethe

Sometimes you are paralyzed with indecision. You can’t bring yourself to choose any one future because to choose one is to forsake the promise of all others. Yet not choosing is making you crazy. In such a state, drastic action is necessary. You must choose–and then, one by one, murder all the futures you passed over. Like a faithful companion you’ve cherished all through your youth, you must lead each future back behind the shed, and even if it looks up at you with those big eyes, dreamy with possibility, you must put the cold muzzle to its head and pull the trigger. And you must do it again and again for each future that competes for the attentions of your heart. Only then are you ready for commitment. Only then can you pursue the one thing which will, in time, and after much mourning, become all things to you.

+ The future is full of possibilities that I must shoot in the head. +

The tragedy of commitment is a post on AndrewBoyd.com

Loving the wrong person

Let our scars fall in love.
–Galway Kinnell

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems–the ones that make you truly who you are–that you’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person–someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

+ I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. +

Loving the wrong person is a post on AndrewBoyd.com